Category Archives: Hans The Dachshund

Hans, Destroyer of Worlds.

Woman-smoking-on-plastic-covered-couch

 Swap out the joint with an Asahi and this will be me in six months.

Last year I was in the market for a new couch. Because I’m fussy, tall and prone to spontaneous naps, I have very particular requirements vis-à-vis style, length and seat depth. After a lengthy search fraught with unspeakable horrors, I found a couch that ticked all the boxes. I absolutely loved it, and the way it handled two sets of sweaty deliverymen and a destructive housemate without incurring a single blemish showed it loved me right back. Behold its unmolested glory:

carch

Photo by Duvall Davis

Unfortunately, it was no match for a four month old puppy with needle-sharp teeth and a fabric fetish. Earlier in the week, I recklessly left Hans unsupervised in the living room for one minute while I made my morning coffee. I returned to a scene of unparalleled carnage.

couch

Ok, so this probably isn’t my actual couch. But the sight of a soggy, flayed mess of non-removeable cushion felt just as devastating. Once I’d stopped screaming and eased myself out of the foetal position, the threads were cut away to reveal the extent of the damage.

damage

Not the worst bald patch I’ve ever seen, but unsightly nonetheless.

It’s not like Hans is short of toys and bones to chew on; he just prefers fabric. He’s ruined shirts, towels, blankets and now, my perfect couch. I used to laugh at old women that covered their “good” furniture in plastic; now I fear I’m destined to join their ranks.

As for Hans, he’s just lucky he’s so darn cute.

hansblog

Photo by Duvall Davis

Sourced images courtesy of Your Modern Style Home and Jennifer Michie.

Dogs and guns.

bca94ed7b4f7369a1b547347d6b2ba9f

Source

Learning how to fire a gun (safely) is one of the most awesome things I’ve done. I haven’t been to the range in over a year because it’s also one of the most expensive things I’ve done, and I very much enjoy the freedoms associated with the purchase of luxury items like toilet paper and toothpaste. But there is just something about this print that makes me want to abandon my preoccupation with personal hygiene and get my damn license already, the same way owning this set of bookends and this print inspired me to get an actual dachshund.

Ikea minihack #1.

I bought the TÄRNÖ as a temporary balcony filler at my last rental, intending to replace it with a more durable setting at a later date. I’ll be moving again soon, so the new setting is on hold. While I’ve yet to attempt a “real” Ikea hack, I decided to use the green paint left over from my dining table project to give the TÄRNÖ a new look.

tarno-table-and--chairscropped_0137514_PE281792_S4

The setting is made from unfinished acacia wood, so I didn’t need to do much preparation. I sanded each piece lightly and taped up the steel sections before applying two coats of green (I didn’t bother with primer or an undercoat this time). Although I like the lightly distressed look of the dining chairs, I amped up the sanding on these to create a more weathered effect.  I brushed on a couple of coats of varnish to finish.

IMG_5433b

IMG_5439b

IMG_5426b

I’m sure I’ll get tired of the distressed look eventually, but right now it’s a good match for my fledgling skills.

Outdoor1

IMG_5399b

Outdoor3

Photos by Madame Squee

The delightful centrepiece is Hans, my three month old dachshund and the reason behind the move. Although I love the unit’s easy-care gardens, the lack of lawn is an issue. Every time I pass the depressing mountain of boxes in my living room I remind myself how much he’ll enjoy having a proper yard to play in, and how much I’ll enjoy him peeing outside in the sunshine rather than in my shoes.