Hans, Destroyer of Worlds.

Woman-smoking-on-plastic-covered-couch

 Swap out the joint with an Asahi and this will be me in six months.

Last year I was in the market for a new couch. Because I’m fussy, tall and prone to spontaneous naps, I have very particular requirements vis-à-vis style, length and seat depth. After a lengthy search fraught with unspeakable horrors, I found a couch that ticked all the boxes. I absolutely loved it, and the way it handled two sets of sweaty deliverymen and a destructive housemate without incurring a single blemish showed it loved me right back. Behold its unmolested glory:

carch

Photo by Duvall Davis

Unfortunately, it was no match for a four month old puppy with needle-sharp teeth and a fabric fetish. Earlier in the week, I recklessly left Hans unsupervised in the living room for one minute while I made my morning coffee. I returned to a scene of unparalleled carnage.

couch

Ok, so this probably isn’t my actual couch. But the sight of a soggy, flayed mess of non-removeable cushion felt just as devastating. Once I’d stopped screaming and eased myself out of the foetal position, the threads were cut away to reveal the extent of the damage.

damage

Not the worst bald patch I’ve ever seen, but unsightly nonetheless.

It’s not like Hans is short of toys and bones to chew on; he just prefers fabric. He’s ruined shirts, towels, blankets and now, my perfect couch. I used to laugh at old women that covered their “good” furniture in plastic; now I fear I’m destined to join their ranks.

As for Hans, he’s just lucky he’s so darn cute.

hansblog

Photo by Duvall Davis

Sourced images courtesy of Your Modern Style Home and Jennifer Michie.

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